Nothing or emptiness?

Exams period.

I have two choices (assuming that at the end of the day we can choose):

Either I don't study hard, and I assume that my methaphysical pleasure or acquitance for physics it just that, methaphysical, and therefore, unacceptable, or atleast unbearable for my high standards of sincerity and engagement. Either I give everything I have, inspired by the practical man ideal, convinced that physics doenst belong to an institution, to a man, or to a genius, but to whoever wants to take it on, even if driven by the most suspicious reasons.

If I choose the first option I anticipate fear, I antecipate the nothing, loneliness, and the irony of that same methaphysical depression. If I choose the second option, after everything is completed I will get drunk, I will shout out loud -'sucess!', but in the next day, when I wake up, the very same feeling will be ruling my spirit - empitness. Maybe, I will be able to sadly remember that the night before, while sleeping, I dreamed about having something in my hands, something described as being none trivial, the dream where there are indeed local solutions for fullfilment, for doing the fearless journey across absurdity, riding the violent horses, with the 'handmade god - creativity' as a sword in my hand, maybe that. But the cup is always half fulled, next day I will be back to the ground zero, and emptiness will return, looking the same as I found her for the first time as a child.

So, I am left with two options, nothing or emptiness. The straightforward solution to this one, is to say-'I take the second option, because we can always hope to fill emptiness with something and I want to continue my journey, and we cant do the same with nothing.'
But I dont know any straightforward solution. I dont choose the first, neither the second, I dont choose, I live one of them. By exclusion of parts, my human self-defection tends to live the second option only because the cycle of emptiness closes the circle only after you have worked hard to make a fool out of yourself.

We proudly wait for death as for anything else!